I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
