he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
