Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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