Sry I called you an 8
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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