I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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