I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Welp...herpes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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