It's Friday. Sex?
Small penises have feelings too.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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