Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
