So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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