4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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