Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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