Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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