Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
