I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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