Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
