I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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