Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
