God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
