Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
