This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
