Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
