My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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