We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
