A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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