If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
