We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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