hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
