I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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