my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
