flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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