Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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