im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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