I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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