We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i came on her dog
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
