I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
