In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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