does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
