I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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