tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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