well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
