I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize