Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
