so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
