I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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