You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
