We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
