I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
