Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
