HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
