he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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