Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
