I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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