Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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