I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
