I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
now i know why i became what i already was.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
