I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
