Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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