I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
