Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
