I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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