She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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