Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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