I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
