was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
