you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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