you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
