The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
