Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
