Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
