im six kinds of drunk right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
