i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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