so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
