We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize