I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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