I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had to cum in my sink.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
