Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
