I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A bitchslap is in order.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
