dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
